


A Journey of Self-Discovery

by starlikeknight



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Support, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Trans Character, Trans Gladio, Trans Prompto, nonbinary Noctis mentioned, prompto with adhd mentioned, they're all queer though tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 18:25:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12041664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlikeknight/pseuds/starlikeknight
Summary: This is a coming out story, an exploration into what it means to love and support someone as they work toward understanding who they are.Bluntly, it's a story about Prompto as he discovers who he is, told from the POV of the boy who loves him.





	A Journey of Self-Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to preface this fic with a few notes!  
> \- This fic is very self-indulgent and personal for many reasons. I am trans, writing about trans characters. My experience is my own and I don't speak for every trans or nonbinary person so do keep that in mind while you read! I was interested to read about Prompto coming to terms with his gender while already in a relationship because I've found, through personal experience, that discovering yourself in that way while in a partnership with someone else adds an interesting new layer to the coming out experience. It can be wonderful to have that support, but also nerve-wracking in new ways.  
> \- Prompto is referred to with she/her pronouns in the beginning and is called Noct's girlfriend, but only until he comes out. Be warned if that is triggering for you!

Noctis meets Argentum when he’s 14, though it’s not for the first time. He recognizes her as the awkward kid from elementary school, the one who’d tried to talk to him once before but shyly never approached him again. At least, not until now: the first day of high school where she greets him with a companionable smack on the back and a bright grin. He immediately likes her and they fall into friendship as easily as breathing.

==

By the time they’re 15, Argentum is a regular guest at his place. She seems out of place at the Citadel, all awkward fumbling in front of everyone, important or not, but she falls back into herself the moment they’re behind closed doors. 

They crowd together on the couch, controllers in hand and some game on the big screen. Argentum is amazingly good at nearly everything they play and Noct cheats sometimes, all thrown elbows and less-than-princely grins to catch up.

==

15-going-on-16 and Noctis has a wicked crush on his best friend. Argentum is funny and considerate and artistic. She crushes him in every video game he owns and touches him as easy as breathing, something Noct hadn’t realized he wanted so much until it was finally happening to him. 

More than the easy hugs and the laughs, though, she treats him like a person. Whenever he’s with her he can drop the Prince guise at the door with his shoes and become simply Noct, who cheats at video games sometimes and whines until Argentum lets him copy her school notes.

They’re sitting together in his room, homework spread out all around them when Noct finally works up the courage to confess. It’s not how he had wanted things to go; he’d been looking up the ‘Top 5 Romantic Ways To Confess To Your Best Friend’ for days but all his plans come crumbling down with Argentum pillowing her head on his stomach, glasses perched on her nose and book cracked open on her lap, barely even paying attention to him except for the easy way their bodies mesh. 

Suddenly, Noct can’t imagine not confessing, not making this person his.

He doesn’t even remember how he words it, only that Argentum nearly drops her book and whips to look at him so fast her glasses get displaced slightly on her face.

She hesitates, looks like she can’t quite believe it’s true, until Noct blushes and looks away, suddenly nervous.

The next day, he calls her his girlfriend for the first time and is proud of the way she ducks her head, grinning ear to ear and blushing brighter than he’s ever seen.

==

As it turns out, dating Argentum isn’t all that different from their usual routine. They were already best friends and adding kisses and wandering hands does little to shake things up. They still spend most of their time playing video games and hanging out at the arcade and the movies, playing hooky from responsibility and passing notes in class. They definitely do some other stuff, but it all feels very natural and right, like ending their days together with a goodnight kiss was always bound to happen, dating or no.

==

When things do change, it has little to do with Noctis at all.

It’s all Argentum, leaning against him on the couch, buried under a blanket as some thriller rolls. Noct can tell she’s barely paying attention, his own focus has been horribly divided between the movie and the fidgeting body using his shoulder as a headrest. He can tell something’s on her mind long before she says anything, but he is a little surprised when she finally lets him in on it.

“I’m thinking about cutting my hair,” she says, the anti-climatic end to a question he’s been harboring for a hour and five minutes. It even seems super casual, her tone barely betraying anything as she pinches a long lock of blonde between her fingers and squints at it.

But the casual tone is almost a little _too_ casual, sounding very much like she hasn’t been thinking about her words insistently instead of the action-packed and heartfelt story about the chocobo and her rider, a trope that usually sends Argentum into tears no matter the genre. It’s clearly an act, that casual tone of hers, carefully pieced together and put on display. That’s the weirdest part, because it’s not even the first time she’s shared that thought aloud, though maybe the first time in a while that wasn’t prompted by a sudden heatwave and a disappeared elastic.

“Why not?” he says back, genuinely curious but also a little confused. His eyes are still mostly on the TV, though he does peer down at her when his question prompts another bout of nervous fidgeting.

“Well, I mean,” she starts, trails off, stops. Her tone is unsure, her usual outward confidence faltering.

“Do you think it’d suit me?” There’s another question here somewhere, Noct is sure of it, but he can’t quite figure out what it is. Something about her tone is off, not quite matching her words. He wants to reply with an easy ‘of course’, but there’s more going on than meets the eye. His opinion is clearly a contributing factor here, something important, and he can tell he needs to give her more than a handwave as his answer.

So he turns away from the high pressure chocobo-car chase to really look at his girlfriend. He doesn’t answer right away, makes sure he really imagines her with hair even shorter than his own, and when he responds it’s resolute and honest.

“I really do,” he says, and the way her face lights up makes missing the movie entirely worth it.

==

It takes Argentum a few more weeks to finally commit to the dramatic hair change, just in time for some class photo at school. She shocks everyone, even Noct, when she shows up sans about two feet of blonde. It’s done up in the most ridiculous swoop he’s ever seen but she flashes a wide grin for the photo and Noct makes a show of his reaction, hand to heart as she turns a suddenly shy smile his way.

“I knew you’d rock it,” he says and she pulls him in for a thorough kiss the moment they’re alone.

==

The clothing change is less sudden, less dramatic. Argentum never wore anything overly feminine before anyway, at least not beyond the mandatory skirt of her school uniform that rarely ever made an appearance as it was. 

So he doesn’t really notice when she trades it in for the pants for good. He does notice she hasn’t worn anything other than a sports bra in a while but she’s told him more than once they’re way more comfortable and when she steals his shirts and hoodies he isn’t thinking about the fashion of it so much as he is the cute way she breathes into the neckline and bashfully hides her face when she notices him watching.

He doesn’t question her increasingly enlarging clothes, not even when she starts swimming in them, silhouette entirely masked by folds of loose fabric. He’s never cared about appearances himself, a point of ire for Ignis and the pushy types at the Citadel, and so he knows it’s not his place to judge anyone for their clothing taste.

But it does seem to be a topic Argentum worries about because she keeps throwing him excuses like she thinks he’ll care.

“Girl pants have negative pocket space,” she’ll say when she shows up in a pair she definitely got from the men’s department.

“I’m starting to hate how tight all my clothes are, y’know?” She says, carefully casual, when she appears at his new apartment’s doorstep in a hoodie two sizes too big.

He just shrugs, pulls her in for a ‘hello’ kiss, and drops a controller into her hand.

“You look really comfy,” is all he says, and changes into the biggest sweatshirt he can find to match.

==

The whispers really start when they’re halfway through 17. Argentum’s short hair and decidedly not-feminine wardrobe have persisted, turning out to be her preference, and Noct’s noticed that other people have noticed. It’s none of their business, frankly, and he informs a few classmates just that when he catches them whispering about ‘Prince Noctis and his slob for a girlfriend’. 

He doesn’t care at all what Argentum wears, just wants to spend time with her, and the rumors and jokes wouldn’t bug him either except that they’re not really about him at all, but Argentum, and they clearly bug her. She’s held her head a little lower since she first heard people talk, and it takes more than a few pep talks to get her smiling again.

==

Argentum abruptly stops coming by his apartment. Noct isn’t sure what changed to keep her away, doesn’t know what he said or did or even if it’s about him at all. Just knows that suddenly she’s making excuses not to come and they’re getting increasingly ridiculous.

They don’t even have Lucian History homework this week but that’s what Argentum is doing tonight, apparently, alone in her room instead of at Noct’s place when usually Noct is the one she goes to with her questions about the past monarchs, trusting his tutored knowledge above the sometimes inaccurate word of their teacher.

It hurts to see through the lie, even though Ignis does have a point that maybe she just wants some time to herself and doesn’t know how to ask for it. 

Still, even with seeing her at school 5 days a week, he misses her. His game system gathers dust. There’s no point in playing without her.

==

“I need to talk to you,” Argentum says to Noct one day. There’s something uncertain in her tone, and if he doesn't know better he might say maybe fear, too. Hell, he’ll say it anyway, and feels some roil around his own stomach. She hasn’t been over in a few weeks and his only conclusions are awful ones.

He’s thought of every way she could possibly word her inevitable breakup speech when at last they make it to her house. He doesn’t spend a lot of time here, usually. Her parents are rarely home but she’s always seemed to prefer his place, especially now that he's in an apartment of his own. He’s never blamed her for that; the Citadel is a reminder of his own often-missing parent, too.

So it’s weird to be here, in her family home. Weird that she would take him here to tear his heart out.

She doesn’t tear his heart out. What she does is sit him down on her bed and wring her hands together, nervous and shaking slightly, until he puts one of his own hands on top and tries on a smile.

“There’s something I should probably tell you,” she says, clearly oblivious to his own inner turmoil. 

“Deep breaths,” he says, and “take your time” even though every second brings fresh torture. It takes more than a few of those before she can speak, and he waits as patiently as he can for her to gather her thoughts.

She holds it together for a long while when at last she gets started about her insecurities. He’s known about most of them for a while, especially her weight. She’s walked him through her intense diet and exercise routine, told him about all the work she put in to find confidence in herself. But what he doesn’t know is that, after all of that, she still hates looking in a mirror.

“I thought it was my weight,” she says, and finally the dam breaks, tears filling her eyes.

“I thought I just had to lose it but I still…” she breaks off, disrupted when a tear finally falls, fist raised to hastily rub it away. Noct has a hand laced with her free one immediately. 

“I still don’t see _me_ ,” she finally admits, broken and miserable. Noct’s never heard her sound so vulnerable and upset and as he gathers her up and holds her close, letting her dry her eyes into his chest, he can’t help but feel powerless.

==

Argentum is back at his apartment, playing video games. Ever since she opened up, things have been easier. Not really _better_ because she’s clearly still struggling with issues beyond Noct’s reach, but at least she’ll come over again and let him distract her.

It hasn’t done much for her mood though, which has steadily declined despite his efforts. She isn’t exactly closed off, but she’s quiet and as they settle in together on the couch and order pizza, he can tell she’s lost in thought.

==

They’re laying in bed together. Argentum’s head is pillowed on Noct’s stomach, her hands restless around a fidget toy in an act he knows is all anxiety and the nervous energy of her ADHD. There’s been something new on her mind, he can tell because her attitude is all different, her energy less sullen now and more restless, more worried. She hasn’t filled him in, yet, and he hasn’t pushed. Argentum usually needs some time in her own head before she can let Noct in and he respects that.

When she sits up and angles to look at him, he puts his phone down, leaving his character abandoned in the middle of a dungeon where he will surely die.

“I don’t think I’m a girl,” Argentum says in a rush without preamble. There’s still some hesitance there, more of that barely-concealed fear, but this Argentum has nothing on the one that cried into his shoulder just weeks ago. Noct considers her, gazes into her eyes and really looks at her.

“I don’t think so either,” he says, and watches the tension bleed out of her shoulders.

==

‘Not a girl’ turns out to be all Argentum has so far. Noct’s questioned them about it a little but it turns out that ‘not a girl’ can be more than a few things and they barely know where to start. Neither one of them knows any other ‘not a girl’s quite like Argentum and there’s no one to really ask. Noct considers asking Ignis one day, but thinks better of it. It’s not his place to talk about it and he doubts Ignis would be much help besides.

So he goes online, sometimes alone but usually with Argentum sitting right beside him, and scrolls.

There’s a lot to read, a whole community to become introduced to. Argentum seems a little overwhelmed but mostly eager, and Noct lets them take over, watches them read. He bookmarks the sites that seem to hit home and pours over his research when he can. He’s more dutiful in this than he’s ever been in school or in his princely duties and can’t tell if Ignis would be proud or annoyed.

==

“Do you want to try masculine pronouns?” Noct asks Argentum one day. They’ve both done a lot of research. Argentum stopped using female pronouns what feels like ages ago, but hasn’t really settled into an identity yet. It doesn’t bother Noct any, but he can tell they’re getting frustrated, unsure of themselves. 

Argentum hesitates at the idea, Noct worries maybe he’s overstepped.

“Is that okay?” Their voice is timid, unsure, like maybe they’ve been thinking about this for a while but have been too afraid to voice it. Noct frowns. Argentum’s been down on themselves a lot more recently, or maybe just a lot more noticeably.

“Of course it is,” Noct insists, tone firm, and they agree to only use he/him when they’re alone together so Argentum can decide if he likes it.

“It’ll be a test drive,” Noct adds, and kisses the smile Argentum finally flashes him.

==

Masculine pronouns seem to be working out pretty well, though Argentum still hasn’t come out to anyone else and hasn’t asked Noct to relay any messages to anyone either. To avoid any confusion and accidental misgendering, Noct just avoids using pronouns in front of other people.

There’s still some hesitance on Argentum’s end, something clearly on his mind but Noct knows he needs to work out most of this on his own and leaves him to it, offering support whenever the time calls for it.

==

One such method of support has the two of them lying in bed, bodies pressed flush together as they share a single pillow despite the heat. Argentum has his bangs pushed up and away from his face, pinned back by a brightly colored hairclip. He blows out exasperated breaths every time the fan blows some of Noct’s hair in his face, but has made no move to get up or retrieve his own pillow.

Noct has a notepad in hand, a long list of names the cumulative efforts of many days spent browsing baby name sites. Most of them are already crossed out.

“Patrick,” he throws out, and doesn’t bother to be offended by Argentum’s amused scoff.

“No way, dude. Next.”

“Prometheus.” 

Argentum laughs, open and honest, but doesn’t say no. Noct nudges him with a leg and grins, surprised.

“Dude, _Prometheus_?” 

Turns out Argentum’s just laughing too hard to say anything. He shoves at Noct, still chuckling.

“Better than Patrick.”

But there seems to be something else unsaid. Noct pauses in his list, peering at Argentum as he settles down more comfortably.

“I was actually thinking,” Argentum says when the silence stretches, a little nervous. Noct hums, lets him take a calming breath.

“Maybe… Prompto?” His cheeks are red, maybe from embarrassment. It’s clear he’s thought about this name, decided he liked it, but was too shy to say it aloud to another person. Noct wonders how long he’s been sitting on it even as he makes a show of closing his notebook and setting it aside.

“Think we found your new name,” he says, looks up at the nervous boy beside him. Their eyes meet and Noct is close enough to see every freckle on his face.

“I like it a lot, Prompto.”

==

Prompto comes out to Gladio and Ignis while sitting on Noct’s living room couch. He has his knees drawn up to his chest and has had Noct’s hand trapped somewhere in his mess of limbs for a good few minutes while trying to work up his nerve. Somehow even Gladio has been patient with him about it, has let him stutter and fumble with his nerve for the better part of ten minutes.

“I’m a guy,” Prompto finally says. It seems almost anti-climatic in its simplicity but Noct knows he’s been struggling with it, knows how important that simple sentence really is, how important Ignis and Gladio’s opinions are.

They’re both silent for a few beats too long, long enough for Prompto to start panicking and for Noct to begin to wonder if he’s been surrounded by assholes all his life. But there’s a thoughtful look on Ignis’ face and Noct has seen it enough times to know that he’s really just ten steps ahead, already thinking about how to handle the press when Prompto comes out publicly, the prince’s boyfriend all along.

“Have you come out to anyone else yet?” Ignis asks, proving Noct right, all business and no judgement as Noct expected. Prompto cautiously glances at Noct, then back at Ignis.

“Um, no,” he says at last, still so clearly nervous, “just you guys.”

“Do you plan on coming out? On transitioning?” Ignis asks and Noct half expects him to start taking notes.

“Yeah,” Prompto says and sits up a little straighter. He’s been pretty confident about his decision to transition and Ignis’ lack of judgement seems to finally be calming his nerves a bit.  
Gladio is still quiet, seems to be thinking long and hard about something. Three pairs of eyes turn to him at once and at last he nods, firm and resolute.

“What should we call you?”

Noct can’t quite place Gladio’s expression but there’s no judgement or unkindness there. He relaxes as Prompto does, watches as Prompto at last drops his knees from his chest, smile beaming.

==

When Gladio comes out about a week later it takes them all by surprise. Well, except maybe Ignis? Noct can’t always read his expressions but years of practice have gifted him with the ability to detect the subtle way he widens his eyes for just a moment. There’s about as much surprise in that small little twitch as Prompto’s wide-eyed, open-mouthed gape.

“I’m, ah… I’m a trans guy, too,” Is how Gladio words it, looking more awkward and uncomfortable than Noct has probably ever seen him. The lack of confidence is probably the most shocking part of the whole thing.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Noct blurts out when the silence has stretched a little thin, maybe a little too brash, maybe a little too insensitive because Gladio is defensive all at once.

“It wasn’t any of your business,” he snaps, then takes in a deep breath and lets his tense shoulders loosen up.

“I’ve always known,” Gladio explains after a few more beats of quiet. “Started HRT young as I could, top surgery as soon as I was cleared for it. My dad was supportive and helped me get my hands on resources way younger than a lot of people get to. It was barely a transition, barely had anything to transition from when I started. It’s always been a thing and I didn’t need to tell you about it to do my job effectively.”

Gladio seems to be getting more confident as he goes along, his previous discomfort muffled under his usual no-nonsense bravado.

“I don’t even really identify as a trans guy, just a guy. It didn’t seem that important I tell you.”

Gladio pauses, eyes on Prompto who has been strangely quiet, strangely still.

“Seemed more important now.”

==

Gladio turns out to be the best resource Prompto could have, at least on how to transition. He promises to introduce him to his doctor, points him in the direction of a few good sites for proper chest compression. He explains how his own transition was in more detail and sits, patient as Noct’s ever seen him, as Prompto asks question after question after question.

Noct’s learning more about Gladio’s body than he ever really wanted to know, but he’s more than a little humbled that he’s being included in the proceedings and obediently keeps his mouth shut when Prompto asks about hair growth and Gladio gets into the gorey details.

“It’s all different for everyone,” he explains to Prompto who’s been whispering to Noct about his chances at ending up as a hairy Cub, perhaps just to hear the undignified way Noct snorts at the thought.

“I’ve got five times the body hair Noct’s probably ever gonna get,” Gladio adds. 

“And thank Shiva for that,” Noct breaks his silence to mutter.

It’s later, when they’re alone, Prompto leaning against Noct while he scrolls through those sites and marvels at the binders, eyes bright and hopeful, that Noct really thanks Shiva and every other Astral out there.

==

They’re standing in the mirror, Prompto’s shirt discarded on the floor as Noctis measures his chest the way the site instructs. The tape measure is technically borrowed, nicked from the emergency sewing kit Ignis has stashed in the apartment, and as it touches Prompto’s skin he makes a show of hissing and flinching away at the chill of it.

Noct just laughs at him and puts it back against his skin, wrapping it around the jut of his ribs.

“Hold still,” he instructs when Prompto’s squirming doesn’t stop. Prompto squirms more in retaliation. 

It takes many more minutes than it actually has to as a result, but they do eventually get him properly measured, find the perfect fit. Prompto is buzzing with excitement as they scroll the site again together, picking out the ones they think he’ll like best. 

Noct adds five to the cart and has to run around the apartment, phone in hand as he types out the billing information with Prompto hot at his heels, trying to pilfer it away from him. He hits ‘SEND ORDER’ with a triumphant noise just before he’s tackled onto the bed.

==

They’re sitting on the couch playing video games when the package arrives. Prompto tears it apart with trembling hands and as he pulls the first one out Noct watches his face, sees the excitement. Prompto disappears into the bathroom for a few long moments, long enough that Noct loiters outside the door. He’s just about to ask how things are going when he hears a quiet voice from beyond the door.

“Hey, uh, Noct? Little help?”

Together, they pull the binder down over Prompto’s head and Prompto chuckles, a little embarrassed at needing a hand. But Noct doesn’t mind and tells him it’ll probably get easier with practice.

It will get easier, but right now the future--no, nothing else matters because there’s Prompto, staring at himself in the mirror. He angles his body a little, marvels at his chest. Noct watches his face, searching for something. What he finds is a grin, bright and almost surprised, but as Prompto catches his eyes in the reflection of the mirror, it falters.

“Are you sure you’re okay with… this?”

‘This’ is him, apparently, because Prompto gestures to the mirror as he says it and Noct frowns at the connotation there. Some part of Prompto clearly worries that Noctis isn’t up for this even after everything they’ve been through, after long months of Prompto learning about himself with Noct at his side every step of the way. Noct’s heart aches at the thought.

Before Noct can even reply, Prompto is speaking again. He’s nervous, babbling on in that way he does when he gets a little too far into his own head.

“Like… I know you weren’t expecting this when you asked me out. And I don’t blame you if it’s… if it’s too much? ‘Cause I know you’re not…” here Prompto trails off, as if unwilling to speak his final words.

“Not what?” Noctis asks, pressing forward. “Not gay?”

He’s clearly hit home with his guess because Prompto looks away, shifts his weight, tucks hair he no longer has behind his ear.

Noct wraps his arms around Prompto, pulls him back against his chest, and kisses his bare shoulder.

Noct isn’t really sure what either of their sexualities are at this point, knows they’ll probably have more than a few discussions about it while they hunt for appropriate labels, assuming they ever feel the need to. But that’s nowhere near on his mind right now. Right now is about Prompto and Noct knows they’ll have plenty of time to figure all that other stuff out later. Together.

So for now he says, “I don’t care what gender you are and I never have.”

He presses a kiss to Prompto’s nose.

“I love you for you, Prompto,” he says, and makes sure to emphasize the name just a little. 

“I love that you make me laugh, that you never let me win at video games. I love how talented you are, how passionate you get about stuff. I love your dorky taste in movies and how cute you look with your glasses on. I love everything about you, and that includes all this.” Noct gestures to the mirror, exactly how Prompto did earlier.

Prompto smiles at last and looks back into the mirror. Noct can tell they’re not exactly over that particular insecurity, knows it’s never that easy. But they’re standing in that mirror together, Prompto wrapped up in Noctis, and Noct watches the way Prompto’s eyes drink in the sight of them, of himself.

And Prompto’s smiling, genuine and happy as he looks at himself in the mirror for probably the first time in a long time--or maybe forever. So it doesn’t matter how hard some things are, doesn’t matter how many more times Noct needs to reassure him. Nothing could be better than seeing Prompto like this, happy and content.

Later, they’ll make an appointment with Gladio’s doctor. Later, they’ll talk to Prompto’s parents, to Noct’s dad. Later, they’ll deal with the rest of the world. It’ll be a long journey, Noct’s sure, but one he wouldn’t miss for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> A few months later Noct gathers them all up into his living room again.
> 
> “Just letting you know I think gender is a lie and I’m using they/them pronouns now.”
> 
> Three pairs of eyes turn to Ignis, expectant, because there’s no way they’re in the presence of a straight cis guy.
> 
> Ignis sighs, looking very put upon.
> 
> “If you must know, I’m homoromantic asexual.”
> 
> They cheer.
> 
> ==
> 
> Find me @ starlikeknight on twitter and tumblr!


End file.
